Thursday, January 31, 2008

Almost Last Diet


By Ross Chandler

I am considering a new diet program for people with good intentions. Studies show that overweight people try at least 7 different diets in their lifetime with little success. So why not concentrate on marketing to at least six unsuccessful diets so people can at least feel better when they are trying to lose weight.
How does the following sound?
Our scales only read in inches; i.e. I am 11 inches short (Can’t do much about my height!)
Membership fee is $1,000 per year, but you do not have to show up for any meetings or workouts.
Our weight loss foods include: “Slim Slow,” “Just a little energy bar”, and a diet aid capsule for men that is a combination of Viagra, Vitamin B-12, and “No Dose.”
We also have accessory items: Boomerang belts, self-tying shoestrings, slim image mirrors, and super stretch underwear.
We also have our own 12-step program. The first step is the understanding we may be powerless over our weight but don’t want a lot of help with it.
We also market a perfume called “Heavy Impression” for people who want to smell better than they look.
We even have a “Job Search Program” for our members and have the following positions open:
o Furniture tester for Log Cabin Furniture.
o Skin sensitivity experiments for sun burn, fire ants, and snake bite.
o Sparing partner for a Sumo Wrestler.
o Live fire target tow for the Abrams Tank Training Center.
o Elevator tester for Magnum High Rise Construction Company.
o Bouncer for Momma’s Bar & Bordello in Medulla, Colombia
We also are addressing certain legal issues such as:
o Handicapped Parking Permit for anyone 12” or more short.
o No stairs over 7 steps.
We also give a chocolate colored 30 day chip with a bite out of it for those members that tough it out through the first 30 days.
Finally, we issue a membership and identity card with your high school graduation picture on it and encourage everyone to check the Box “Early Organ Donor.” You then become a participant in the nationwide “Save Someone Else’s Life Program.” In case of an accident, “You will only be asked once if you’re okay.”

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Simplified Explanation of DNA Testing and Its Uses

By Ross Chandler

In January of 2006 a representative of Genetica DNA Laboratory called me and asked if I was a certified specimen collector for alcohol and drug testing. I answered “Yes”, and he explained that his lab was looking for someone to do DNA collections in Southeast Oklahoma. He sent me his specimen collection protocol steps, and we signed a contract.

I had never really looked into the area of DNA before and at first believed that this science could be easily understood with some background research and reviewing the latest articles on DNA on the Internet. I was very wrong! I spent several hours studying how DNA testing takes place, the different tests such as Mitochondrial testing of minuscule blood or tissue samples. Finally in desperation I admitted that at my age I may not be trainable in any depth on this subject. However, I may be able to share some basic insight with my readers on this revolutionary new science that will make changes in our lives whether we want it or not. Let me again admit I am not bright enough to understand all the details of the DNA laboratory process but can talk about some basics of the overall process (perhaps over simplified) and how it is being used throughout the world. In very brief form I will offer the following:

DNA (Deoxyribonucleic acid)is material that determines inheritance of skin, eye, and hair color, plus millions of other traits in humans and animals. DNA is very thin double helix string less than 1/millionth of an inch long that are packed into chromosomes of each of our cells. Chromosomes are just bunches of DNA within all the cells of our body. DNA is found in all living things including animals, plants, and even bacteria. DNA can be further classified as Mitochondrial (Mother’s unique contributions), Y-Chromosome (Father’s unique contributions) and Autosomal (Both mother and fathers contributions).

Scientists have found that they can target 13 – 20 distinct markers (or more) in a DNA strand called “loci” or “locus” (just one) that provide a unique pattern for each subject being tested. The sequencing of the loci and its contents can be coded and compared to other specimens to an extreme level of accuracy and match (or not). These markers can be thought of as tiny shelves that contain a specific order of four basic building block chemicals that I would not want to try to spell or pronounce, but we can call them A, T, G, and C. These chemicals are arranged in a specific pattern on each shelf like AATTGCTTTAAA. All the shelves of one DNA strand can be compared to the comparable shelves of another DNA strand (sometimes on a machine called a synthesizer). There are several different scientific ways of examining DNA but they all take advantage of the following characteristics:

o Unsurpassed discriminatory potential. Match of the comparative samples can approach one in hundreds of millions, billions or trillions for confirmation or exclusion. Nothing compares to this level of assurance.

o Exquisite sensitivity. Extremely small samples of tissue, blood, etc. can be analyzed for DNA characteristics.

o Applies to any body material. Samples can be hair roots, fingernails, skin cells, blood, tooth pulp, and even the cells in the fluid surrounding unborn babies.

o DNA is very stable. DNA samples can be extracted from mummies, mammoths, or skeletal remains several generations old. DNA degradation is very slow.




The use of DNA is expanding throughout most aspects of our lives without us even knowing about it. Most of us that watch “CSI Miami, FBI Files, or Cold Case Files” are aware of the sensational use of DNA in criminal case (forensic testing); however, following are just a few of the other areas of DNA use:

ü Judicial: All 50 states have passed laws that require certain classes of convicts to give up a biological sample (blood or cheek swab). Their DNA is classified in 13 distinct markers, digitized, and placed into a database. State databases are being integrated into a national database called CODIS (Combined DNA Index System) at the FBI. Over one million felon database records are now on file with CODIS. Police can access this database and check crime scene biological samples (often blood) that have been digitized against the file. There have been well over 1,000 matches so far. A positive search process is called a “cold hit”.

Child support: All 50 states have developed DNA collection procedures to determine child support requirements. DNA genetic code is passed through both the sperm and egg to the baby.

Medicine/Genetics: Scientific research involving DNA is going on to locate and isolate the cellular base of certain inherited diseases such as cystic fibrosis, sickle cell anemia or hemophilia, hemochromatosis, and certain forms of cancer.

Genealogy: DNA has also become useful to track distinct family ancestors back in time to early descendents through the Y chromosome of males (unchanged Y chromosome pass from father to son). This and other markers allow us to trace human evolution, distinct groups of people, migration patterns, and answer paternity questions back through many generations.

Military: All military services collect a DNA sample from each member in case identification of remains is required. Hopefully this means “No more unknown soldiers”

Siblingship: Many forms of siblingship testing can be done. For example: to determine that two sisters had the same father (or not). Another common use is to prove the family linage for applying for benefits from the Choctaw Nation or other tribes.

Inheritance: Wills sometimes bequeath blood relatives’ money or property with proof of family ties.

Immigration cases: Children living outside the U.S. may have to prove they are sons or daughters of legal immigrants living in the U.S. to be sponsored for visas or citizenship. This is also used to prove blood linage to person on Native American tribal roles so the applicant may receive federal and tribal social services.

Custody and visitation: The alleged father may have to prove his status for custody or visitation under certain conditions.

Animals: DNA testing is also fast becoming a requirement to determine the linage of pedigreed animals. My first two inquiries about my DNA services were about whether I could verify dog linage and horse linage (or not)? In addition, DNA can even be used to tell if offspring of hybrid game fish are returning to less desirable traits such as becoming smaller, more bones, less tasteful, or more prone to disease.

Personal use: Some people just want their family DNA structure on record in case it is needed in recent times or generations from now.

Following are my predictions for the future of DNA uses starting with recent times to many years from now:

DNA testing will become faster, less expensive, and even more accurate.
DNA alteration will decrease inherited diseases and be increasingly used in medicine.
DNA cloning will allow perfect duplication of animals and plants used as food sources giving the following: resistant to disease, better taste, longer shelf life, lower cost.

ü DNA testing will move from the laboratory to a portable unit that will be used on the crime scene.

DNA evaluation, digitizing, and data bank search will approach real time giving law enforcement rapid identification of “persons of interest”.

DNA will become the universal database for tracking all human beings with collections at birth. Biological samples will be collected, digitized, and stored long term.

DNA collection, digitization, and sample storage will generate new businesses of long-term storage (cryogenic, vacuum packed, freeze dried, or what ever).

DNA alteration will give parents a “Baby Kit” to provide sex, eye color, and other physical characteristics of a planned baby.

Lastly, DNA alteration will be used to perfect our human species in ways not yet imagined! Hopefully this will be done for the best of reasons.

For more information on local DNA services contact Ross Chandler at 580-286-6577.